Source: The Huffington Post

I’m sure you’re all oh-so worried (ha!). It feels like this week (what day is it again?) has been all over the place and it’s way too much to explain, but the main thing I’ve been doing? Campaigning for this guy:

Ready for angry rant? YES. How is it that some Hillary Clinton supporters are saying they’ll “never forgive the Democratic Party if she is pushed out.” REALLY? Would she still be there if she was being pushed out?! No. She has run a negative campaign, but now that she’s not on top anymore she has decided that everyone should have to act civil and let her play this thing out. I don’t even want to mention the fact that her advisors are trying to change what “really counts” as far as super delegate/popular vote.

Maybe I should just stop watching the news because I can’t get over some of thing way her advisors try to spin things. In fact, I didn’t watch for quite a long time because it pissed me off and then it was all I could thing about, but I digress.

It’s not that I absolutely hate Hillary. I don’t even think that policy-wise she and Barack Obama vary that much, but I can’t imagine why anyone would vote for her over him. She has had her chance to win the majority of the delegates (which is what is supposed to count) and she has not done it! I know that I’m not making much sense because I have 7 minutes to get my ass dressed and get the hell out the door.

So. If you happen to live in WV, go cast your vote today, and hopefully it will be for Barack Obama. If you live in Oregon or Kentucky do the same next week!

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So… how has everyone been?

Happy Hump Day, everyone! I was having a hard time coming up with any Would You Rather questions today, so I thought I’d go looking around the internet for some inspiration.

I came upon the the most disturbing Would You Rather question EVER over at this site.

Would you rather slide down a 50 foot razor blade into a vat of alcohol

OR

suck all the snot out of a dog’s nose until its head caves in?

HOW GROSS IS THAT?! Uh. I think I’m scarred for life.

But the site also had a few I really liked, so here are my favorites.

________________________________________

Would you rather be able to bring about a lasting world peace,

or

eliminate all hunger and disease?

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Would you rather be able to fortell the future?

or

have all the money you will every need?

With that one lets assume that you cannot make any money off of the stuff you see in the future, because that kind of ruins the point of the question, right?

________________________________________

Feel free to answer all of the questions, including the really freaky first one!

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And in honor of it being my pay day and Deutlich’s shoe shopping excursion:

This is my attempt at transitioning back into the blogosphere. FYI I’m “me” (duh) and Lex Luther is Alexa over at Cleveland’s a Plum.

me: le sigh, i have nothing to blog about
Lex Luther: uh oh. I think you should blog about boobies and how it sucks having to wear an over the shoulder boulder holder.
me: hahaha so true. my boss commented that he really liked my new bra. I guess I could blog about that.
Lex Luther: WHAT?!?!
me: he asked me what I did over the weekend and i told him i got a new bra.
Lex Luther: yes you must blog about that. is he a dirty old man? or a hot old man? because that makes a difference.
me: naaa, he’s like my bff. he’s 40ish and i grew up around him.
Lex Luther: ok BFF takes the creepy factor out of it for sure
me: so it’s like if my brother told me my boobs look good, which is still weird but not creepy
Lex Luther: yes, still weird but not as creepy. i think you could just blog this im conversation. easy as pie
me: haha i should just paste it
Lex Luther: yeah why not? lazy bloggers are still bloggers.
me: true dat. win or lose we still booze.
Lex Luther: of course. hmmm, now im thinking of something witty to say it isn’t working
me: that’s why i added “win or lose we still booze,” not that it had anything to do with what we were talking about. I just had to throw in some funny.
Lex Luther: well shit, let me think. your face is funny

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What have y’all been up to? I’ve missed your faces. Mwah!

I know I’ve been all lovey-dovey on my blog lately. It amazes me that this week has been one of the shittiest ones of 2008 and I’ve had two entries about stuff I love (my boss and the IRS). Well no more of that crap! Sit down, relax, get a nice big bottle of haterade…lets talk about some shit I hate. (get ready for super negative rant)

I hate that I am expected to work right beside two of the most stupid people I’ve ever encountered. How am I supposed to get anything accomplished when I’m constantly asked how to do things like show someone how to lookup a name in a phone book or plug in a printer. Seriously? How do these people make more than I do?

I hate that my car broke down on the way to work this morning and I just finished paying of about 750 dollars worth of repairs. I hate that instead of buying 12 bottles of Patron or 262 cans of Red Bull I will be forced to spend my economic stimulus money on my car. Nice.

I hate that those foot detox pads apparently are fake. This is one of the biggest disappointments of my life. I was really looking forward to wearing pads on my feet that suck out all of the damage I’ve done to my body over the years. (the website says they get rid of cellulite! how cool is that. Not like I’d ever have cellulite… I mean my body is basically like angelina jolie’s, but I know everyone can’t be that fortunate. duh.)

I hate that one of the men in my early morning meeting had a jungle growing on his shirt and didn’t feel the need to button up his shirt to hide it. If anyone EVER yells at me about my cleavage I am going to point at that man and demand that he be reprimanded also.

I hate that ever since the Writers’ Strike The Office hasn’t really been the same. (yea, I said it.) It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, but I just… I don’t know. The dynamic is messed up. I miss the old days of Jim being adorable, Dwight and Andy being hilarious, and Angela being a total bitch.

I hate so much. Really I do. So freaders, what do you hate?

Hola everyone! It’s that time again…

Would you rather have a list of all of your sexual partners…

published in the New York Times with the chance that no one you know would see it?

OR

given to all of your close friends and family?

_______________________________________

Would you rather your boobs (girls)/ pee pee (guys) be made out of

quarters?

OR

brie cheese?

(yes, I did just say pee pee. I am about 5 years old.)

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After a night of drunkenness, would you rather wake up next to…

a close co-worker?

OR

a friend of your mother’s?

Me: Ugh. I think I’m bi-polar. My moods are just up and down every day. I can’t get ahold of it.

Boss: Oh, I think you probably are.

Me: (puzzled) Really?

Boss: Yea! I think you’re totally a bi-polarbear.

Me: Oh, God.

Boss: You know what that is?

Me: No. What is it?

Boss: A bear that goes both ways.

Me: Okay, thanks Michael Scott. I’m gonna go back to work now.

Boss: What? What are you talking about? Who is Michael Scott?

I never thought I would utter those words, but today I went to this lovely site and found out I will be getting a whopping 600 buckeroos from them. I knew I’d get something, but I didn’t know it’d be the full 600. If only the IRS knew that they do NOT need to give me extra money to make me stimulate the economy. Pretty much my whole paycheck goes towards clothes, food, alcohol, fun shit…you get the drill.

Today has been a great day. I feel SO much better about my move to Providence with Deutlich after discovering rent is going to be much less than we originally thought. This does not mean y’all can stop looking for a job for me. Apparently the offer of sex did not bring in that many offers. (maybe because most of my readers are girls?) So let me rephrase this–I will give you brownies and or an igloo shaped cake (i bought that mold months ago and still haven’t used it!) if you find me a job in Providence, RI that pays like… decent. And by decent I mean enough for me to pay my rent and necessities AND be ridiculous and fabulous (like I am right now).

Other news? None really other than my extreme excitement for upcoming trips to Chicago (chicago bloggers email me if you haven’t already!) and OBX.

Also, 20sb don’t forget that you can nominate people for blogger of the week here.

Why are Tuesdays so much better than Mondays?

p.s. I know that I owe some of y’all gifts for the joke contest, but I’ve been too lazy to get my ass to the post office! Promise it will happen SOON.

I’ve read a few blog entries about meeting celebrities. As you can imagine I don’t run into that many here in WV, but I have did have a little brush with fame in a pretty strange setting.

I’ve been known to go to strip clubs every once and a while. All of the nakedness takes a little getting used to, but the music is good, people actually wait on you, and it’s SO easy to get a guy to buy you a drink. Hey, I’m just saying. Horny guys = free booze.

I happen to have a favorite strip club– we’ll call it V’s. One Thursday night my friends and I were bored and we heard Chyna Doll was in town for some kind of contest at V’s. We got all dolled up and headed out. I hadn’t planned on getting trashed, but somehow it happened (that always seems to happen, hmmm). It could have had something to do with him:

T-Dog? He’s bad news. He gave me good deals on shots that were half aftershock and half peppermint schnapps. That stuff can mess someone up and it can mess someone up QUICKLY.

We heard people talking about what exactly was going on and we found out it was a booty shaking contest and decided to stick around and see everything. Who doesn’t love a few drunk people making fools of themselves? I bet you can see where this was going.

The liquor continued to flow and before I knew it I was pretty far gone. About 10 minutes before the contest was set to begin Jen and I decided it would be a great idea to join in the fun. I was just drunk enough to get up on the stage without caring what I looked like.

We lined up with all of the other girls and they put numbers on us. One by one we walked out and danced to suggest songs and answered ridiculous questions that Chyna came up with.

Even though Jen and I were super drunk we ended up coming out of it with 2nd and 1st place (out of 14) respectively. I know I fell flat on my face a few times, but apparently I was hilarious enough to still come away with the win. The prize? A few hundred dollars that we ended up splitting down the middle cause I’m nice like that.

What’s better than the money? The fact that now all of the strippers know our names. I know many of you wouldn’t consider that a perk, but I do. The other awesome part? a picture of course:

I win. I so, so, so win. Why am I so excited to not have a hangover? Oh, maybe because this proves that 1) I am not getting too old to drink and 2) I can drink a whole bottle of aftershock and be fabulously productive the next day. And by fabulously productive I mean watching movies on TV all day… including one of my favorites… drumroll… Mrs. Doubtfire! I freakin love this movie and it makes me wonder when and why Robin Williams stopped being so hilarious. I catch something new every single time I watch this movie. This time it was “rumple foreskin.” HA!

You may be wondering why I drank a whole bottle of aftershock last night. Well, it was my way of coping with the fact that I spent my Saturday night with Nat at a child’s birthday party (16 is still a child, right?). We did cosmic bowling and they had karaoke (which I don’t do sober). The highlight was most definitely when two high school guys sang “Because I Got High.” We had a cop at our party and I thought he was going to go over there and arrest the kids right then and there. They kept interjecting, “I’m too high to be singing this” and “pass that joint.” I couldn’t stop laughing.

Afterwards Nat and I were going to go to our favorite, bar but they had some kind of pool tourney going on there which would have been mega boring. Instead we got some alcohol and came back to my place to watch Knocked Up and Wedding Crashers. Those movies are great when you’re sober, but even better when you’re a little tipsy.

What did everyone else get into over the weekend?