I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
I thought about making a rap video possibly featuring a vanilla ice dance, but I wanted to save the bad 80’s dancing for an in-person treat.
I thought about making you some cat porn. It would have been awesome group sex too because I have 3 of them. And it would be good payback for all the pictures of Murray’s balls you used to send me.
I thought about sending buying you a penis shaped ice luge. Oh wait, I actually did that.
I thought about making you a velvet and lace snuggie, formerly known as the slelvet, but then I realized I don’t know how to sew and it would look like a wizard died. yes, I’m pretty sure wizards turn into velvet and lace when they die.
So after running out of ideas I decided to do this.
You make hundreds thousands of people laugh every day. You have very nice legs (even when you don’t shave them. not that you would ever not shave them. why am I always so creepy?). You have the prettiest cat in the world. No, seriously. Murray is really fucking cute and I may or may not love him more than my own kittens. You’re always there when I need to bitch or complain, even if I don’t have a real reason. You are an excellent drinking buddy. You make me burritos when we’re really drunk and then we both fall asleep with them in our hands and make a mess… and I like that. You snuggled with me in your bed before we even really knew each other, so thanks for trusting me to not be a serial killer. You are the best person to try to out gross and I don’t know that I’ll ever truly horrify you, but I will keep on trying– and you know how to dish it back. You never get mad at me for being late because I don’t allow enough time for the metro. You are excellent at TWSS jokes. Your dance moves are supreme. You always keep my secrets. You always reach and fight for the check.
You are an excellent person.
I guess what I’m trying to say is you are a thoughtful, generous, hilarious, and just plain wonderful.
You and Lex are the best friends a girl could ever ask for.
#pbandtuna is gonna be off the CHAIN.
Now if only you didn’t like 30 rock– then you’d be perfect.
Happy Fucking Birthday, Lilu. I love ya.
fgrngtllt says:
this is the sorta love tht will inspire generations to come!!
congrats on your impending nuptials/ #pbandtuna and to LILU the best fucking birthday EVER!!she really is awesome
[Reply]
October 16th, 2009 at 4:27 am
lemmonex says:
She can be grossed out. Remember rib sex?
The rest of it though…spot on.She is a gem.
Gonna have so much fun celebrating my girls’ birthday.
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October 16th, 2009 at 4:29 am
the girl in stiletto says:
this is one of the sweetest bday wishes ive ever read :*(
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October 16th, 2009 at 4:40 am
LiLu says:
I will not cry on my birthday. I will not cry on my birthday. I will not-
Aw, fuck it. Tears are good for the soul, yes?
I love you so much, Maxie. I don’t know how I ever lived without you, seriously.
NOW GET YOUR FACE TO ME RIGHT NOW FOR A LICKING. DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Your Soon To Be WIFE!!!!!
[Reply]
October 16th, 2009 at 5:14 am
Tweets that mention i hate so much… » Vows. -- Topsy.com says:
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by ihatesomuch, 304blogs. 304blogs said: Vows. http://bit.ly/loxSV [...]
October 16th, 2009 at 5:42 am
It’s My Birthday and I’ll Post What I Want To | Livit, Luvit says:
[...] my blushing bride, who wrote the sweetest vows EVAR and made me cry before 8am on my birthday when I read [...]
October 16th, 2009 at 5:56 am
moooooog35 says:
As sweet as that was, I’m lost amidst all the lesbian overtones.
I’m really happy with that.
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October 16th, 2009 at 5:57 am
ellie says:
Awwww. SO cute.
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October 16th, 2009 at 6:28 am
miss. chief says:
What’s all this about 30 Rock? Come ONNNN, it’s funny!
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October 16th, 2009 at 6:31 am
flippy says:
Best vows ever! I really like picturing you guys passing out with burritos in hand.
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October 16th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Mb says:
You are a sweetheart Maxie. Ya’ll are lucky to have each other as pals. Excited to see what goes down tomorrow. I hope you wear something rauncy. Just cuz.
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October 16th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Mb says:
and by rauncy i obvi mean “raunchy” or “raaawwwwnchy”. whatever.
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October 16th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Narm says:
Your slightly awkward girl-on-girl love fest is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.
But, I’ve never seen Murray’s balls, so my scale isn’t nearly as high as yours.
[Reply]
October 16th, 2009 at 6:58 am
Jaime says:
Aw! Maxie, I’m totally going to miss the wedding this weekend due to low amounts of monies. But this might have made up for it a little bit.
xoxo
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October 16th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Aritza, Goddess of .. says:
Awww true love, this is beautiful Maxie ! Have a blast this weekend my loves
P.S. I would totally love to snuggle as well, if you’re ever in the mood, lol. (I’m sorry I’m awkward).
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October 16th, 2009 at 8:05 am
verybadcat says:
Adore you both. Happy Birthday to one of my favorite bloggers and her soon to be spouse. MWAH!
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October 16th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Liebchen says:
I can’t imagine that this weekend will be anything short of epic. Such sweet vows.
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October 16th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Andhari says:
This is sweet, Maxie. She really cried, didn’t she?:D
Wish I could have a gff that close..enjoy your crazy wedding. Wish I could come
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October 16th, 2009 at 8:50 am
carissajaded says:
Aww so sweet. The nicest vows I’ve ever heard. I cannot wait to see yalls updates about the weekend!
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October 16th, 2009 at 8:52 am
shine says:
I’m not sure what to say to this schmoopy mess except, SEE YOU TOMORROW BISHES!
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October 16th, 2009 at 9:32 am
hillary says:
you both are completely adorable
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October 16th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Cheddar says:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. You guys are going to be so happy together. Good luck with your nuptials. I’ll be there in spirit (read: drinking from a flask while I work on a Saturday night).
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October 16th, 2009 at 10:27 am
MinD says:
Awww, you are totally such a sweet friend, hehe.
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October 16th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Katie says:
This is gross.
Mostly because it’s not about me. But since its about LiLu…I’ll take it.
Don’t forget my Vlog, biotch.
PS – I have your phone back cover.
[Reply]
October 16th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Bitterella, Bitterella « Hold the Weak Sauce says:
[...] rounds on my reader, I was reminded that this weekend marks the nuptials/birthday bash of LiLu and Maxie (#PBandTUNA). If you don’t know who these two are, GET OUTTA MY HOUSE! Or, go check them out [...]
October 16th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Meghan says:
What a great post. Happy Wedding Day to you sexy ladies.
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October 16th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Paula says:
Aw, I wish someone had done this for MY Birthday.
So sweet!
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October 16th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
JoLee says:
so very sweet. Now where is Maxie and what have you done with her?
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October 16th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Ed Adams says:
Did some GLAAD member die?
For a minute there, I thought this was a eulogy.
Happy birthday bitches.
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October 16th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Always a Bridesmaid says:
I will never look at wizards the same again.
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October 16th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Allison says:
I can’t wait to read about this weekend.
It’s going to be hilarious.
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October 16th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Patrick says:
I’m excited for the White Wedding!
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October 16th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
mandy says:
The two of you were meant for each other. Have a fantastic time this weekend!
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October 16th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
katelin says:
aw love this. hope you two have a fabulous wedding!!
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October 16th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
DesBisoux says:
that’s some proper friend love…
do i really need to wish you a great night? anyway…have fun!
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October 16th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Chelsea Talks Smack says:
um. fuck. i want a birthdya message like this. basically, sweetest thing ever.
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October 16th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
BigMamaCass says:
awww how romantic
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October 18th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Elizabeth Marie says:
Awwwwwwww!!!! BFF’s are the fucking best.
I’m so sad I missed the party.
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October 18th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Kristin says:
How did two minds such riddled with hilarity find each other? It was most def fate!
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October 19th, 2009 at 6:28 am
violet says:
Awww, Maxie, I never thought these type of words would come from you, but I am glad to see you made a very special exception for LiLu’s B’day she is fucken-tastic!
[Reply]
October 20th, 2009 at 12:37 pm