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Maxie, founder of ihatesomuch.com, is a 28-year-old lady living in Washington, DC, but originally hails from wild, wonderful West Virginia.

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Texts From Last Night: The Giveaway

January 26, 2010

If you haven’t heard of Texts From Last Night, then you’ve been living under a fucking rock. A rock without Internet access.

textsfromlastnight.com features funny/ridiculous texts that people would rather not remember sending (unless you’re me. then you’re just proud). The creators of the site have just published a book called Texts From Last Night: All the Texts No One Remembers Sending and it includes even more gems.

I was lucky enough to get a preview of the book and, let me tell you, it is fucking funny. I know y’all are probably thinking you get enough hilarity from the website, but there are some new ones in the book that cracked me the hell up.

My faves:

  • (203) I woke up this morning and “The Wood” was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
  • (313) Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water.
  • (910) wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars. IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

If you want to read more of these shenanigans, you should probably go out and buy the book. Plus, don’t you want to support a 20sb  member’s blog now that it’s hit the big time? (yep, TFLN has been a member for quite some time. way before i’d ever heard of them!)

BUT WAIT! You don’t have any money in your bank account because all of your “blackout tabs” just hit your bank account? There is hope. I’m lucky enough to give away one copy of this hilarious book and I’ll make it very easy for you. You have 2 different chances to win:

1) Go to the site and pick a text you think is really fun and paste it in the comments here.

or EVEN BETTER:

2) Tell me a funny text you’ve sent/received that you think is worth of being on the site.

Leave these babies in separate comments and I’ll pick a random winner at COB on Friday.

Need some inspiration? Here are a few keepers I’ve submitted, but have never been featured. FOR SHAME:

  • I made the biggest mistake of my life last night. Someone asked me to try out the snuggie sutra and I said no.
  • I smell like death and indian food.

Yea, I went there.

Wait are you waiting for? Hurry up and enter!

54 Comments »

  1. Sara Lang says:

    (734): So he said if we had sex he’d take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
    (810): You’re 20.
    (734): IT’S BUILD A BEAR!

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 6:58 am

  2. Nicolette says:

    (507):
    The only thing I can remember you saying is “I won’t cut pizza like this when I’m older.”

    OMG I almost died laughing reading this shit!! LMAO. Thank you for discovering it!

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 7:08 am

  3. jen - tsk says:

    I like this contest! So, here we go:

    (601): I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker.

    (Things to consider – did s/he find his/her dad naked or just some random?)

    (813): Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth was my bad

    (425): i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 7:08 am

  4. Sapphyre says:

    one of my own:

    (919) I’d totally fuck the hell out of that that car. But only if you were the car and I was Optimus Prime.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 7:21 am

  5. sarah says:

    (573): I just want to sing “highway to the danger zone” when I’m taking his pants off.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 7:30 am

  6. Tricia says:

    (214):
    Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 7:54 am

  7. Liebchen says:

    Two of my favorites:

    (601): having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things

    (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 8:01 am

  8. That Kind of Girl says:

    One of my faves from the site, in no small part because it’s from my old area code and actually forced me to stop and think: “Did I send that?!”

    (650): I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 8:19 am

  9. That Kind of Girl says:

    One from my own phone:

    (702): I’m so drunk that the world is a ship AND I ITS CAPTAIN.

    [Reply]

    zipcode Reply:

    that is awesome

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 8:20 am

  10. moooooog35 says:

    Incoming: Will U teach if I sign U up?

    Me: U have the wrong person

    Incoming: No, I have the right person, will u teach?

    Me: again, u have the wrong person. I dont teach

    Incoming: Funny. U teach really well. You want Tues or Wed class?

    Me: Tues

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 8:31 am

  11. Shannon says:

    (215):
    You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

    This could have been my go to mass text to a lot of my sorority sisters during college.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 8:46 am

  12. Rachel says:

    bahaha….(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 9:05 am

  13. The Boob Naai says:

    (413):
    I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

    (215):
    You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

    I don’t send good texts, dangit.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 9:06 am

  14. Gia says:

    (619): you assured me you’d make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 9:21 am

  15. Marie says:

    Not entering! Only because they sent the book to me to review. Loved it!

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 9:26 am

  16. Dorkys says:

    (815): Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says…National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here

    Ha, I hadn’t visited the site in the while. Thanks for the contest!

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 9:39 am

  17. jenniferalaine says:

    See e-mail thread from last night for my favorite text message. Yup. That takes the cake.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 10:30 am

  18. Allison says:

    hahahah

    (808): View more from Hawaii
    Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

    Reminds me of a few guys I used to know.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 11:53 am

  19. Paige says:

    Haha, too awesome.

    (518): are you sure you’re not interested? he’s the dunkin donuts employee of the month.

    (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, “cool like a transformer”. I really like her now.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 12:21 pm

  20. Paula says:

    I like this one:

    (630) i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

    Hahaha.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 12:23 pm

  21. Meg says:

    (402):

    The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!

    Mine: Drunk been drinkin :)

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 12:26 pm

  22. Elizabeth Marie says:

    I think a vacuum in my vag might feel good. Like a hoover.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 12:58 pm

  23. lbluca77 says:

    (714): you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.

    One I’ve sent:

    Yes anal beads come in different sizes and colors. Everyone knows that.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 1:01 pm

  24. Review: Texts From Last Night « Marie's Blog Cafe says:

    [...] Maxie over from I Hate So Much is having a giveaway of the book! Go enter for a chance to win [...]

    January 26th, 2010 at 1:02 pm

  25. RedDreads says:

    (415) I woke up to my desk chair knocked over and a sheet stapled to my window. Hello hangover.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 1:04 pm

  26. Toe says:

    I couldn’t decide which one I liked best:
    (612):

    and then he said “my sister has the same underwear!” please come get me.

    Or
    (708):

    you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!

    Both make me giggle.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 1:17 pm

  27. Courtney says:

    (813):

    y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you’re going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

    (this is so something I would’ve told someone before)

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 1:32 pm

  28. cavy says:

    (651): It’s like Facebook knows when I’m about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.

    minnesota pride, baby.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 1:44 pm

  29. MinD says:

    Sooooooo many to choose from, gah.

    Here’s one from back home, in the Scranton, PA area:
    (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
    (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 2:26 pm

  30. Cait says:

    My favorite ever:

    (516):she said “can’t you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag”.
    (917):I’m assuming you texted me by mistake. you’re not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

    Sadly I have to delete the messages from my phone every so often because I’m too lazy to get a bigger memory card, so I just lost a bunch of gems. But these are some that were too memorable to forget:

    (708): That’s the kind of talk that’ll keep your dick dry and in your hand.

    (520): Mmm, i love me some Irish-flavored cock.

    (216): Apparently there are vending machines in Japan that sell used women’s underwear…
    (708): Planning your next vacation?
    (216): Jesus i hate you.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 3:14 pm

  31. Alice says:

    a few i’ve texted/received:

    *oh man, based on tonight so far, we will not be sober tomorrow.

    *i hate your face and everything it stands for

    *cause you know what the Heebs say, “only thing better than a good educations is a good parking spot at the mall.”

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 4:30 pm

  32. Meg says:

    FUCK YEAH!
    I’ve been ON that website :D
    It was either 250 or 604, can’t remember which…
    It involved “barfy, the gin-flavoured ass-man”

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 4:56 pm

  33. mepsipax says:

    I have been watching these texts for a while. Hilarious. Also, Shitmydadsays is funny as fuck. Let’s see…a text I have sent

    And your neighborhood has gun slinging hooligans…

    Seriously, I just found that in my phone… that’s not funny it’s sad. Who am I friends with.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 6:21 pm

  34. Cheddar says:

    (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

    Ah, Da Bell.

    I honestly need to save more of my texts…

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 6:33 pm

  35. DCBlogs » DC Blogs Noted says:

    [...] is the subject of a newly released book and she is hosting a contest to give away a copy.  Visit I Hate So Much for all of the [...]

    January 26th, 2010 at 6:35 pm

  36. jessica fantastica says:

    Received: Becareful falling in love with something run on batteries.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 8:10 pm

  37. Mega says:

    I got one from a buddy that said “I can’t wait to [censored] you tonight, baby”

    it was meant for his gf.

    Also I had not heard of this site until now.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 8:30 pm

  38. Ambar says:

    OMG I love this site…

    (540): Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting

    And this is one of my fave ones EVURR!!

    (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad……It wasn’t my dad

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 9:14 pm

  39. Jana says:

    I love this site and you’re hilarious! I’ve been reading your blog for a few months and you crack me up! Thanks for the laughs.

    (613) I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You’re welcome.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 10:34 pm

  40. Jessica says:

    Great giveaway!

    Haha, I make it my personal mission each day to browse the site and send my friends relevant ones. Here’s one I sent my friend today, and since you were a sorority girl, I think you’ll appreciate this:

    (559): today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 10:35 pm

  41. Jana says:

    An inappropriate but funny quote from my cousin

    (206) Brittany Murphy is literally clueless. By clueless I mean dead.

    Also,

    (206) Why is Ira Glass on your computer?

    After I sent him a pic of my husband in his new glasses.

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 10:38 pm

  42. cuppycakes says:

    (707) he told me it was a naked video of him so I opened it. I just got rickrolled while sexting.

    it was seriously the second one on the first page when I opened it thisafternoon.
    It’s funny on so many levels…

    [Reply]

    January 26th, 2010 at 11:28 pm

  43. Jennifer says:

    This is EASILY my favorite of the like… seven pages I just read. I can never get enough of TFLN. [and i'm totally finding them on 20SB]

    (270): He told me he wanted to break up so he could get “closer to God.”

    (1-270): Does God suck his dick?

    [Reply]

    January 27th, 2010 at 1:30 am

  44. amy says:

    (970):

    I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick…. I kinda don’t want to wash it off

    (732):

    my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls

    [Reply]

    January 27th, 2010 at 4:55 am

  45. Mndmazes says:

    My all time favorite:

    (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

    [Reply]

    January 27th, 2010 at 8:46 am

  46. nic says:

    (941): i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head

    [Reply]

    January 27th, 2010 at 11:02 am

  47. Shannon says:

    (859): View more from Kentucky
    I’m going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn

    [Reply]

    January 27th, 2010 at 11:44 am

  48. emily says:

    (124):

    Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn’t upset me at all.

    [Reply]

    January 27th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

  49. Jen says:

    (269):
    I don’t know where I am but there are firefighters

    (201):
    if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.

    (909):
    Yeah i’m definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.

    [Reply]

    January 28th, 2010 at 8:57 am

  50. i hate so much… » That’s What She Said says:

    [...] Also, today is your last chance to win the Texts From Last Night book! Click here! [...]

    January 29th, 2010 at 7:42 am

  51. Nora says:

    Is it COB yet?

    My favorite text?

    “Thanks for letting me lick your face last night.” <— too bad I didn't enjoy him licking my fact. At. All. It was the reason we didn't go out again in fact.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2010 at 3:28 pm

  52. Chloe says:

    I keep meaning to check this out!

    Come and enter my Valentine’s Giveaway! http://myfavouritethings-chloe.blogspot.com/2010/01/valentines-giveaway.html

    [Reply]

    February 2nd, 2010 at 11:05 pm

  53. texts from last night says:

    Such a funny site. I bought their book too and its even funny! Love it!

    [Reply]

    February 17th, 2010 at 9:03 pm

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