About Maxie:

Maxie, founder of ihatesomuch.com, is a 28-year-old lady living in Washington, DC, but originally hails from wild, wonderful West Virginia.

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I’m Kind of a Big Deal:

how to have the saddest night ever

September 28, 2011
  • go home after getting off work at 8 pm. don’t stop for food because payday is still 2 days away and buying red bull and renewing your flickr membership is more important than eating.
  • find mystery frozen meal in freezer. decide it was there before you moved in almost 2 years ago. eat it anyway.
  • play The Sims Social on facebook. have sim sex all over the place. it’s like a ludacris song up in your sim house.
  • watch Blue Valentine. find out it’s possible for Ryan Gosling to look unattractive. cry a little.
  • google rent prices in your home town. see a beautiful 3 BR victorian house for $700… total. cry some more.
  • google “weird porn” to cheer yourself up and find out tentacle porn exists. realize you can never erase its existence from your brain.
  • see advertisement for something called “goblins fucking” on the sidebar. decide to stop googling things when bored.
  • spend 45 minutes looking at pictures of cats on weheartit.com to scrub your brain.
  • can’t stop wondering what “goblins fucking” could be like. watch 2 minutes of goblins doing it*. wish you had stuck with the cats.
  • give up on computer. do dishes while listening to Dashboard Confessional. drink boxed wine. pass out while watching the bomb episode of grey’s anatomy that you’ve seen 20 times, only because coach taylor’s in it.
  • the end.

*spoiler alert: it’s the fight scene from the end of every power rangers episode… except with more penises.

______

want more maxie? of course you do. check out my post from yesterday on Twenties Hacker here. it’s about how to deal with annoying bitches on facebook.

13 Comments »

  1. moooooog35 says:

    The premise of goblin porn seems like a good excuse to leave work early.

    [Reply]

    September 28th, 2011 at 6:02 am

  2. cavy says:

    I love you.

    [Reply]

    September 28th, 2011 at 7:26 am

  3. sherilinr says:

    wow, sounds like an awesome night to remember for a lifetime. actually, that goblin porn will probably pop up in your brain for years to come. lucky you!

    [Reply]

    September 28th, 2011 at 8:19 am

  4. Linda says:

    I actually thought balding RG with a pot belly is still hot.

    [Reply]

    September 28th, 2011 at 8:24 am

  5. Alice says:

    i really wish i were the type of person who would NOT instantly want to google goblin porn to see it for myself now. alas.

    [Reply]

    September 28th, 2011 at 8:53 am

  6. Mel says:

    You want a mind-fuck that you cannot erase?
    Google: PTERODACTYL PORN.

    [Reply]

    September 28th, 2011 at 9:00 am

  7. cari says:

    This explains my tweet at midnight on the dot. In one month, let’s hold each other while looking at cats on iheartit. It’s less sad that way.

    [Reply]

    September 28th, 2011 at 10:15 am

  8. J says:

    “it’s like a ludacris song up in your sim house.”

    i am laughing my ass off at this!

    [Reply]

    September 28th, 2011 at 11:52 am

  9. Lorraine says:

    When I used to Sims, I used to entertain myself by turning all of my sister’s Sims into lesbians by flirting with them. Best. Sister. Ever.

    Also, my payday is tomorrow which means I’ve been driving straight home and scavenging my own fridge for any remains of food too.

    Lor

    [Reply]

    September 29th, 2011 at 10:59 am

  10. Paula says:

    So, since you can’t erase “Tentacle porn” from your brain, you decided to make us ALL have to think about it???

    Gee… thanks Maxie. :-)

    [Reply]

    September 29th, 2011 at 12:46 pm

  11. Mel says:

    I am very tempted to google all these things, but at the same time I am very scared.

    [Reply]

    October 1st, 2011 at 6:59 pm

  12. steph anne says:

    Haha, I love your posts! I need to meet you someday because you’re awesome! By the way, it’s been forever since I played Sims 3.

    [Reply]

    October 5th, 2011 at 11:11 pm

  13. Ally says:

    I have the sudden urge to google “Goblin porn” now, but I am at work so I can’t. (Which is probably good)

    [Reply]

    October 20th, 2011 at 6:36 pm

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