we all get nervous on first dates, right? this results in what i like to fondly refer to as word vomit. the following list was compiled over several years, during a handful of first dates and a barrel full of “encounters” – let’s all bond over how awkward i am (and then you can share your own to make me feel better, of course):
- you wouldn’t believe the number of church parking lots i’ve had sex in. (said right after someone told me they were catholic.)
- i love to be the one who gets to tell other people that someone famous has died. it’s just kind of fun.
- yea, we were hooking up for a while, but then i finally figured out that he was homeless.
- a surprisingly large number of guys have accidentally pooped on me.
- if you were hooking up with a girl and the condom broke, would you pay for the abortion? go halfsies at least?
- have you ever had sex with a guy? have you ever wanted to? (out of nowhere, for no logical reason)
- do you ever wonder what it would be like to poop in an adult diaper? (no, but really, have you? am i the only one who thinks about that?)
remind me, why am i single again?
OH HEY, have you read the advice column I posted on twenties hacker this week? you should probably do that now.