About Maxie:

Maxie, founder of ihatesomuch.com, is a 28-year-old lady living in Washington, DC, but originally hails from wild, wonderful West Virginia.

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TMI Thursday: Girls Only Edition

January 29, 2009

I’m gonna go ahead and throw this out there. This story is horrible.

Boys you can go ahead an leave now. Or you can read it…whatever. It’s still hilarious. 

This your last warning. Get out before you’re scarred for life. 

The summer before 10th grade I started dating this guy named Ryan. Let me tell you, he was basically the worst match for me in the world, but I dated him because he was a Senior and he had a beautiful voice. My standards were obviously extremely high. 

After spending every single day at the town pool with him, we decided to make it official. This meant that it was time to introduce him to my parents. Pretty important at the time since I was too young to have a drivers license and all. 

I brought him home for dinner one day at the end of the summer. My mom made spaghetti and my dad ate dinner with no pants on because he thought it was hilarious. Thanks, dad.

After finishing dinner we went into the living room to “watch a movie.” Being the teenagers that we were, you know what this really means. Somehow I ended up on his lap doing some heavy making out/humping. After like… forever he said “oh my god, you’re so wet.” (he was so eloquent!)

I thought things felt a little… different down there, but I was young. I didn’t really know what to expect.

I dismounted and he said, “shit, I got spaghetti sauce from dinner on my shirt.” Before I had any clue what was going on this happened…

Yep. He tasted the “spaghetti sauce” and promptly realized that I had started my period ALL OVER his lap.

What a great way to start a relationship.

72 Comments »

  1. Jen says:

    Bwahahahaha! Holy. Now THAT is a story.

    p.s. The illustration made me snarf Diet Coke. Day, consider yourself made.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 4:24 am

  2. The New Black says:

    Oh, that is mortifying, but still so funny!!! It reminded me of that scene in Superbad!

    Your Dad cracks me up too!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 4:32 am

  3. andhari says:

    OMG HAHAHAHAHA how did it go after that? A guy should TAKE IT LIKE A MAN :P

    ps. your dad is super funny

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 5:50 am

  4. Ben says:

    WHY?! WHY DID HE TASTE IT?!

    WHYYYYYY?!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 5:52 am

  5. Jaime says:

    ROFL.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 5:57 am

  6. Jaime says:

    Wait. I need to say it again.

    ROFL!!!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 5:57 am

  7. LiLu says:

    Oh my lord… he TASTED it?? WHOOPS. Your TMIs have come a long way, lady!

    So, we must know, how long did the romance last after THAT??

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 6:18 am

  8. tiffany says:

    hahaha that is awesome. did he keep dating you after?? you made this thursday awesome

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 6:37 am

  9. Lemmonex says:

    TASTED!? Holy shit. That is something.

    Then again, a guy once begged to go down on me when I was on the rag, so there is that.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 6:48 am

  10. bethie says:

    Guys do have that awful habit of tasting and/or smelling unknown substances/stains. Ugh. I bet this cured that particular one.

    By the by, what sort of bribe might you require to get on your blogroll?

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 6:53 am

  11. Matt says:

    Tell me when it is ok to open my eyes again.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 7:10 am

  12. Jessica says:

    OH. MY. GOD.

    That is absolutely mortifying!

    Tasted?! Oh god…

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 7:20 am

  13. Miss Tiff says:

    OMG!!! Hahahahaha.

    Why did he taste it though?! That’s a bit gross!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 7:30 am

  14. Jossie Posie says:

    Oh good God. I would have died. Lol.

    But why in the world would he taste it?? really do they always have to smell and taste random shit.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 7:50 am

  15. MinD says:

    He tasted it? Holy shit. How fast did that relationship end? OMG.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 7:50 am

  16. Liebchen says:

    Oh my god…this is a fabulous TMI. I can’t even imagine what I’d do.

    So yeah, how’d it go after?

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 7:54 am

  17. deutlich says:

    I think I may have just vomitted a little.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 7:57 am

  18. lbluca77 says:

    OH My. I can’t believe he tasted it. Some where out there he is doing his own TMI about this.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:12 am

  19. Sara Jane says:

    Oh NO! Eeek. Who tastes things they spill on themselves?

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:19 am

  20. -A (Ashley) says:

    Oh wow! I just can’t believe he tasted it…what was he thinking?

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:23 am

  21. Bethany says:

    The last time I had spaghetti…it did not resemble my period. Just sayin’.

    Thank you for making me ROFL in a quiet library, I won’t ever see spaghetti in the same light. Or taste anything I’ve ever spilled ever.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:29 am

  22. thatShortchick says:

    wow. that is extremely unfortunate, in all senses of the word.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:32 am

  23. fizzgig says:

    omg. I think i actually died laughing. My spirit lives on to write …..

    Holey shit that was a funny story!!!!!!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:32 am

  24. Angela says:

    I love the little boner you drew on the picture. That’s classy.

    AND I CAN’T BELIEVE HE TASTED IT! UGH

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:40 am

  25. Matt Frost says:

    That is almost ALMOST as disguisting as the butt plug shitfest your wrote about last week…. Then again… I just thought about it and throw up a little bit. Ugh. Gross.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:51 am

  26. jessica says:

    wow! what a story! a bit tmi but such a great story for when you have a daughter one day. that will make her feel so much better when something horrible happens. :)

    you have actually inspired me to tell a horrifying story of my own so please go read it http://www.theshinypenny.blogspot.com

    jessica

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:03 am

  27. downbeats says:

    That’s a way to bring two people closer together than they ever thought they would be.

    I would’ve broken up with him right then and there for tasting it. I wretching in my seat right now.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:23 am

  28. S says:

    Your dad is hilarious.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:28 am

  29. Kevin says:

    Hmmmm, glad I read this today mainly because I had spaghetti for dinner last night.

    Thanks for the laugh.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:30 am

  30. Meghan says:

    Ohmygod. Five minutes later and my jaw is still on the floor.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:36 am

  31. chris says:

    HAHA! That is great!

    So, are you two getting married?

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:38 am

  32. Lauren says:

    That is the worst, most mortifying story i’ve ever heard.

    I’m so, so sorry for you!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:44 am

  33. Beth says:

    Ohhh I just puked. That is so amazingly disgusting. Yet, this might be my favorite blog post that I have read today. What does that say about me? Or you? Whatever, ewwww and amazing.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:54 am

  34. Jillian says:

    OMG! I consider my day made! Awesome story…I will be laughing all day!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 10:02 am

  35. trigirl82 says:

    OMG!!! I think I just threw up in my mouth.

    Hahaha. That is truly horrifying (and hilarious). :-)

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 10:08 am

  36. the ex says:

    Bwahhahaha! I can’t decide what’s funnier, the look on his “face” or the fact that your dad didn’t wear pants!

    Oh man.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 10:10 am

  37. Lacey Bean says:

    OH MY GOD. I think that was my worst fear when dating. Not that the guy would like, lick it, because OMG gross, but that I would get my period all over some dude.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 10:31 am

  38. sarahbelledotcom says:

    your dad is funny.com

    and this was a ‘great way to start a relationship’? as in, post ‘spaghetti disaster’ things were all coolies? impressive for high school times.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 10:39 am

  39. Dingo says:

    After that, what could you possibly serve for dessert?

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 10:55 am

  40. Kelly says:

    OH MY GOD!!!!!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 10:57 am

  41. Slaus of O Hell Nawl says:

    :: drops my drink and leaves the room ::

    Maxie I am never coming hre again and I no longer heart you.

    i still crush on you.. but no heart you.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 11:23 am

  42. inna says:

    i love your illustrations. they really drive the image home ya know? great story love it :D

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 11:42 am

  43. bFlat says:

    Why on earth would he confirm spaghetti sauce by tasting it!!!! I’ perplexed and disgusted but still love the story.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 11:49 am

  44. AshleyD says:

    Umm wow that is really disgusting, but I cannot stop laughing at my desk.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 11:54 am

  45. alexa says:

    {{shakes head}}

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 11:59 am

  46. verybadcat says:

    Oh. Wow. Just wow. I bet he never tasted any stain on anything, ever, ever again….

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 12:09 pm

  47. Meg says:

    Holy SHIT, that is the GREATEST EVER!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 1:08 pm

  48. Jacqueline from MissMusing says:

    Oh my goodness! I wonder why he decided to TASTE the stain? Hahaha!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 1:51 pm

  49. mishka says:

    OMFG!why the hell did he taste it.how mortifying i would have honestly died. this story has made my day thank u for sharng!

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 1:53 pm

  50. katelin says:

    hahahahhahaha. wow, just wow.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 2:19 pm

  51. Zandria says:

    MAXIE!!!! Oh, my God. That’s just…I don’t know what to say. And you’ve got to finish the story!! Did he duck out of the house to avoid seeing your parents???

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 2:51 pm

  52. M says:

    omg – this story should be on http://www.oversharers.com !

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 3:16 pm

  53. Shaba says:

    WOW
    WOW
    WOW
    and by WOW I mean EWWWW

    Maxie you officially win.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 3:28 pm

  54. Narm says:

    Mmmmmmmmmmm spaghetti. Why do I have a craving for Olive Garden??

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 6:21 pm

  55. Larissa says:

    Wow, Maxie. If I weren’t a regular reader, I’d think you were making this crap up. If only…

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

  56. Jerry Critter says:

    Oh, that is too funny, and he tasted it too. That reminds me of the time that… Oh nevermind.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 6:49 pm

  57. jenniferalaine says:

    A-MAZING. Just amazing. Also, I used to do the same thing – “watch a movie” in the basement. In 8th grade I would grab a pack of gum after dinner too. I thought my parents were so stupid.

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 8:19 pm

  58. mandy says:

    Oh My God.

    He thought it was spaghetti sauce and tasted it?

    [Reply]

    January 29th, 2009 at 9:08 pm

  59. nicopolitan says:

    Awesome! This TMI Thursday comes with a desktop background!

    [Reply]

    January 30th, 2009 at 1:36 am

  60. Deva says:

    HOLY SHIT. That’s mortifying.

    Kinda like “Superbad” but 100 times worse, for the guy.

    [Reply]

    January 30th, 2009 at 7:04 am

  61. Ray says:

    omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

    o.m.g.

    [Reply]

    January 30th, 2009 at 8:09 am

  62. Kendall says:

    Ouch. This actually has me crying from laughing so hard. You poor thing.

    Ma’am, this post is made of win and awesome.

    [Reply]

    January 30th, 2009 at 10:54 am

  63. TOPolk says:

    I…I…I have no words.

    [Reply]

    January 30th, 2009 at 6:18 pm

  64. Kez says:

    OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    [Reply]

    January 31st, 2009 at 5:43 pm

  65. sleepyjane says:

    This is horrifying and funny all at the same time.

    [Reply]

    February 1st, 2009 at 6:58 am

  66. jenn says:

    That is just too gross for words.

    I think you are officially the winner of TMI.

    [Reply]

    February 1st, 2009 at 11:38 pm

  67. EMUjournalist says:

    You could totally win some award for most embarrassing moment in some magazine with that story. I say, you’ve already published it on the Web, send it and and hopefully get some money for your humiliation!

    [Reply]

    February 4th, 2009 at 11:50 pm

  68. Mermanda says:

    Good lord….

    [Reply]

    February 5th, 2009 at 2:17 pm

  69. freckledk says:

    I once had a boyfriend take my tampon out with his teeth and fling it across the room with a flick of his head.

    [Reply]

    February 6th, 2009 at 11:04 am

  70. TMI Thursday: Just Put Some Windex On It! Or, More Poo. | Livit, Luvit says:

    [...] Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Girls Only Edition [...]

    January 5th, 2010 at 8:36 am

  71. Maria says:

    Oh that is AWESOME. Seriously, what happened after that? If you guys stayed together for a bit after that even, I gotta say I’m impressed. Hahaha!

    [Reply]

    April 25th, 2010 at 11:29 am

  72. i hate so much… » TMI Thursday: Out with a Bang says:

    [...] You and I have had a fucking great run. You gave me an outlet to talk about colostomy hole sex, accidentally covering an ex in period blood,  and the infamous time my ex-boyfriend shat on me during sex. Kids, don’t use a butt plug [...]

    May 19th, 2010 at 6:36 pm

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